Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
“Spend your life with people who make you smile, laugh, and feel loved.” – Roy T. Bennett
Ignorance is bliss. This is gospel truth but such pure state is illusory. Even a child gains knowledge in course of time. The laws of nature provides for growth and the concomitant needs and faculties for such growth. Change is the precursor for improvement and improvement brings about further changes. With each change there occurs a new circumstance each of which bring about a host of challenges requiring innovations to meet them. The answers required to cope with the newer problems are at once more difficult and complex. The antibiotics discovered to combat diseases brought about in its wake a fresh crop of problems needing the development of antidotes to counter side effects of the first drug itself.
Under such circumstances, would it be right for us pretend ignorance to enjoy its bliss. The quest for knowledge has therefore become imperative and urgent. There is clamour all around for the need for education of the masses without which humanity cannot survive without isolation. There is clear need for order in diversity and ability for calm amidst the shifting sands of time and the cross currents of modern society.
There is a spread of loneliness amongst us because of this lack of dignity and poise. We have become too guarded in making new friendships and begun suspecting motives in existing ones. Elizabeth Foley, a noted American counsellor says that the most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can “grow separately without growing apart.”[i] It looks as though we are weighing out options in and out of each relationship. Modern facilities in communication and travel have encouraged us to feel more independent of others with the result that most of us have forgotten how to address our kith and kin in the traditional manner when we would sit and write letters. There is precious little communication even as between parents and children, a husband and wife and so on. In short, there is a fear of commitment True zest is energy and joy is missing in most of us mainly due to our own making. Our major shortcoming is –we are not ourselves and their sources are many including jealousy and distrust. We have become careful even while talking to a child. We chose our grammar and fumble for vocabulary even for making small talk. We have become self-conscious.
Sympathy is transient and illusory. Love is enduring. Love is eventless while sympathy is circumstantial. Love envisages kindness while sympathy might be bereft of it. Mere sympathy without kindness is sham. One who expresses sympathy without being helpful would be said to offer a mere “lip sympathy”. A patronizing attitude does not contribute to love and kindness. To be kind to another presupposes an element of love, which alone produces affection needed in order to be helpful to another. When help is extended out of pity but not with forbearance then it is not being “sympathetic” but at best, being charitable to another. Kindness, affection, and forbearance, are therefore foundation of any love.
Equally important is the difference between sympathy and pity. Whereas sympathy for another involves some element of equation with the situation sympathized with, (as for example, a labour union of one industry also giving a call for strike in support of the demands of strikers of another distinct trade or industry); or sympathizing with another because of some similar situation in which you are in or were in, in the case of pity, it might arise out of sorrow or distress over another’s suffering (as for example, pitying another upon his loss of employment particularly at a time when he has several members of his family dependent upon him and some of whom are ill at the same time). There is an element of regret and at the same time a sense of condescension towards the other. Love, on the other hand, is free of these attenuating circumstances. It is unconditional and is given free without any strings attached to it. One who gives love asks nothing for in return.
Yes, love, indeed, is majesty and yet, most commonly misunderstood term of vocabulary. Where is all the love gone if, it is understood only in the context of “boy meets girl” stuff. We have heard more instances of neighbours waiting to spite one another quite contrary to the Ten Commandments ordaining us otherwise. Is it surprising to see two brothers behaving as if they were less than friends were if we are constantly exposed to “plots” on television screens depicting brothers in a constant battle of wits each trying to outsmart or “get” at the other for gain or “profits” by “hook” or “crook”. Over half of the story’s there- in involves close relatives or friends vying with each other to acquire property or business belonging to the other- of families broken on account of the “female” members in it being inimical towards each other. If newspapers are constantly “breaking news” mainly of impending doom or of imminent war between nations and of ethnic violence or political intrigues or scandals involving the high and the mighty even while relegating to finer prints and inner pages epics relating to courage, sacrifice, calamities and other sufferings of fellow human beings then is it any surprise that the order of the day is to discuss only such “major” news to the exclusion of any other. If fellowship meetings of clubs are utilized to taste the culinary expertise of a recently opened restaurant and discuss the merits and de-merits of “cannons” in a billiard game or of the “form” of a gelding in the forthcoming “derby” race then where is the time for any thing else? Is it anything new to witness at such meetings speaker after speaker eulogizing one another and patting at each other’s backs? Or, is it new to hear one espousing the need for restrained conduct by a fellow member on the golf course. How amusing it is to hear a loud description of the “scar” left behind by a recent “operation underwent” by him. If organizational meetings called to discuss “ways and means” for providing relief to victims of a recent disaster are getting disturbed even before its start by persons who feel they are more eligible to become the chair person or an office bearer of an yet to be constituted committee to oversee the relief work it is doubtful if the intended beneficiaries will get the fellowship, warmth, affection care, and the desired love from such organizers which are quintessential for any real succour and happiness for them. . Have you felt nice and relaxed when you stretch yourself? It is the same feeling when you stretch and reach out a little to do even a small good deed. Why not we take these opportunities and make ourselves a little happier. Send a box of candies to a small municipal school giving free education to the underprivileged children and light up their hearts. Send in a small subscription to “CRY” an organization for the care of children. Buy a box of greeting card from UNICEF. Take kindly to a fellow traveler if he is sick and infirm –do not wince at his discomfiture. Let us get up from our seat in a public transport to offer it to the needier.
There are countless little things the doing or the its non-doing that can differentiate us from the mean and the selfish; that can make a little more difference not only in our attitudes toward life but of those around us- small things that constitute a certain minimum basic standards in our social conduct. Each or several of them require a very minimal effort on our part but will signify our consideration, courtesy, respect and kindness towards those with whom we come in contact with in our daily lives and touch others. These are some of the few things that make life a little more tolerable not only for ourselves but also for those of others around us. Listing some of the “do’s” and “don’ts” in our mind’s notebook helps. For example, not-
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- washing hands in the plate after eating;
- gargling loudly after food;
- making noise to signify fullness of stomach (although in some countries, this is welcomed);
- shouting while eating;
- getting up while others are still eating (unless excused);
- looking at others while they are eating;
- commenting on how much somebody is eating;
- criticizing the food always;
- combing hair while others are eating;
- slamming the door at others;
- making someone feel obligated ;
- speaking ill of someone;
- making a habit of always disagreeing with others;
- constantly gesticulating;
- using expletives and never in front children;
- scratching in front of others;
Some “do’s”:
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- Seeing in others the BEST you wish them to see in yourself;
- Giving a word of encouragement to another;
- Offering our seat to an elder or infirm;
- Visiting a friend or relative in the hospital;
- Looking presentable at all times;
- Looking after our parents;
- Giving a smile;
- Congratulating others upon their success;
- Calling a friend when in need;
- Paying bills and debts on time;
- Saying “no” when we must instead of postponing it by saying “let us see”;
- Saying “thank you”;
- Saying “ sorry” when wrong;
- Telling the truth even if it goes against us;
- Minding our language;
- Preferring tact to humour;
Let us live with values which would be the best part of true education. One of such education is the will to change ourselves and then try and change the way the world is of today. Let one of such transformations be the question of waste, a lot of which we have discussed and debated in our earlier posts. We will need to understand more of this issue some more in our coming posts. The global spend to make worldwide access to food possible reaches into billions of dollars.
It is told that we have enough food to feed 10 billion people. However, this food ddoes not reach all those in bad need of it because of the wasteful attitudes of many millions of us.
Easily, it is said that we discard and waste about one third of what we grow. This ‘trash it’ mindset respecting anything including food must go.
With regards
PVJois
[i] <http://www.wisdomquotes.com/003463.html>
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Dynamics of Personality 